The Ethics of Filming Real Love Triangles in Mistress Dispeller with Elizabeth Lo
"I wanted each character to be complex enough and sympathetic enough that there's some deep reason you could identify in yourself."
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How do you tell a story that's intimate, ethically complicated, and rooted in real-life secrecy—without exploiting your subjects?
In this episode, Rain Bennett speaks with acclaimed documentary filmmaker Elizabeth Lo, director of Mistress Dispeller, one of the most talked-about films this year.
The film follows a professional “mistress dispeller” in China hired to break up extramarital affairs on behalf of betrayed spouses—yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like.
Elizabeth opens up about how she gained the trust of real people in real love triangles, how she balanced empathy with narrative clarity, and how she created emotional tension through stillness instead of sensationalism.
They discuss ethical gray areas, building documentaries without control, and letting stories unfold naturally while still crafting a cohesive arc. If you’re a nonfiction filmmaker or just someone interested in telling hard stories with humanity, this episode is a must-listen.
In the episode, you will learn to:
Earn the trust of documentary subjects by building long-term, authentic relationships
Let stories unfold naturally instead of forcing a narrative structure
Navigate ethical storytelling with sensitive, real-world material
Use stillness and silence to create emotional tension
Align your personal values with the stories you choose to tell
"I wanted each character to be complex enough and sympathetic enough that there's some deep reason you could identify in yourself."
- Elizabeth Lo
If you want to learn about how to craft nonfiction stories that are authentic and meaningul, even when about sensitive subjects, this is the episode for you!
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Some of the highlights of the episode:
00:00 – How Do You Film Secrets and Affairs Respectfully?
01:30 – Welcome: Why Mistress Dispeller Blew Rain’s Mind
06:00 – Building a Story Around a Real, Active Love Triangle
08:20 – How Elizabeth Found This Industry and Gained Access
11:00 – From Stray Dogs to Straying Spouses: A Filmmaker’s Journey
14:10 – Exploring Margins: Dogs, Mistresses, and Narrative Perspective
16:20 – Choosing Empathy Over Sensationalism in Casting
18:10 – When Access Is Earned Through Trust and Vouching
20:00 – Ethical Filmmaking When Deception Is Part of the Story
22:30 – Letting Subjects See the Film Before Final Consent
25:00 – How the Mistress Dispeller Found Her Calling
27:00 – When Filmmaking Becomes a Tool for Emotional Closure
29:20 – Discovering Documentary in Film School
31:00 – The Unexpected Humor and Humanity of Mistress Dispeller
33:30 – How Stillness Builds Tension in Nonfiction Film
36:00 – Avoiding Frankenbiting: Letting Scenes Play Out Naturally
39:45 – The Role of a Strong Producer When Trust Wavers
42:00 – The Value of Patience and Persistence in the Field
44:30 – Advice for First-Time Documentarians: Let Go of Control
47:20 – Art vs. Ethics: How to Stay Grounded in Your Vision
49:00 – Why Elizabeth Chooses Stories that Challenge Dominant Narratives
52:00 – Final Thoughts: What the Story Taught the Storyteller
As always, I hope you enjoy the episode!
Rain
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